I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
