i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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