And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
