google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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