i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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