The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
