Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
