I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize