Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
