pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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