I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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