He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
