i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
