You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
