only you would photoshop your dick
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize