So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize