Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
