One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She's the barista slut.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
