White coat. Heels.
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
