he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
my liver is dry heaving
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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