come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
