Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
