Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
