I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
