It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The air taste purple.
Randomize
