Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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