see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize