What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
