I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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