Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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