What a fucking waste of an outfit
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
