It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is it because I queefed?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
