i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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