Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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