she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
