"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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