Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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