I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
