i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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