She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
