There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize