a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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