Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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