The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
