she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
