It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
