dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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