Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize