I wanna passion pit in your ass
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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