You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
