Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
