we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
