he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
