what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
