He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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