Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
