Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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