just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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