you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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