thus making me awesome and them whores
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
