its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
