Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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