It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
