The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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