I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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