i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Randomize