I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
