I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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