In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm like, not good at living.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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