I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
