I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
