last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
